The Jock Girl's Guide to Weddings

If you waited this long, you probably REALLY wanted to see our Wedding Photos.

2010-03-31T09:39:00.004-04:00

Hey gals, I'm back! I took a long break from this blog to come down from the high of wedding planning -- oddly enough, that high lasted roughly a year and a half. I wanted to share my wedding photo slideshow, and to sing the praises of our wedding photographer, Fiona Sarn, of Walnut Creek, CA. Fiona was a perfect match for our personalities -- great sense of humor, flexible, really easygoing and fun. Her photographs really reflected the joy we experienced on August 9, 2008.

Here are some of the best photos:

You can file many wedding photographers under "ridiculous" when it comes to pricing, but not Fiona. She worked with our budget and made everything happen, including two big items we really wanted but didn't think we could afford -- engagement photos and a photobooth at the reception. If you do enough research (you know me, I'm my father's daughter, I am all about spreadsheets), you can definitely find someone good within your budget.

Things to think about when interviewing a potential photographer:

* Are there any hidden costs? Travel, hotel, meals, and sometimes gas and mileage can add to any package pricing.

* Are albums included or a la carte? Photographers make a lot of their money by keeping albums separate from the package costs. Some provide proof books, which are bound books of all the photos taken with their file names, but these are still gorgeous to look at and have actually served as our albums for the last two years.

* Don't go on web portfolio alone. Ask to see full galleries. This is like watching a whole game, not just the highlight reel, so you can see ebbs and flows of a photographer's work throughout one day.

* Personality goes a long way. If you don't feel comfortable around your photographer, it will show up in your pictures. Don't underestimate the importance of that initial face-to-face interview.

* Even if you LOVE the photographer, get references. These will really help confirm your decision -- after all, photography prices can be right up there with dress prices and catering costs. So choose wisely, grasshopper.

A preview...

2008-08-26T17:14:00.001-04:00

IMG_6342
Originally uploaded by Matt and Melissa

Here's a teaser photo of my gorgeous little niece, Tory (we call her Toto, just for fun). She was a perfect little flower girl!

Bachelorette weekend at the Cape :)

2008-08-04T08:46:00.000-04:00

I had a blast at my bachelorette this past weekend on the Cape! My BM Liz put together such a fun time. We went to the beach on Saturday morning, then had pedicures, wine and cheese at a spa called "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," then capped it off with a night of dancing and wildness at a bar in Chatham! It was the perfect sendoff for California - we are flying out in a couple of hours as I write this.

Here are some highlights:

ladies on the beach
dinner at JT's in Brewster

starting the dance floor ... the pictures after this are a little too wild for the web ;)

So fun! The weather, the food, and even the dancing and drinks were perfect! Now ... off to California!!!

I am in 10-DAY FORECAST LAND

2008-07-31T11:30:00.000-04:00

I will be praying every day that this forecast remains as I saw it today:

Nothing like worrying about things you can't control. For some reason I have yet to master that skill.

But the seating chart is done, the playlist is made, the programs are folded, and the table numbers/drinks menus are printed. What to do with all this spare time.... HA.

Let me just say for the record that moving two months before getting married out of state was not the greatest of our ideas, but we did it anyway. And now I don't know where my pearl hairpins went, but at least we unearthed the rings to pack into our bag yesterday. I ordered a spare hairpin set yesterday, just in case.

My work is throwing me a lovely lunch tomorrow, but tonight, I'm focused on what has been titled "MELISSA'S LAST STAND." At 7pm the festivities begin with my lacrosse girls, and who knows where we will make our mark on this fine city ...

16 little days.

2008-07-24T22:52:00.000-04:00

I just looked at the countdown on my Knot profile and it says plainly, without fanfare: 16 days.

I almost fainted.

See, I've been on the road for most of the week for work, doing this:

(I'm waiting for my turn to go on as one of the three Dixie Chimps. Yes, that's a puppet. Yes, this is my job.)

We are touring with the show in New England. Touring = no wedding planning of any kind whatsoever.

Um, I think I have a lot to do, and I think if I even try to think about it I'll start to freak out. So let's not. I'm going to focus on my banjo playing.

16 days. OMGOMGOMG.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

2008-07-20T22:18:00.000-04:00

I just found these on my work computer - I forgot to post about the day we got our marriage license! It was so official -- swearing under oath that we weren't married and all that ... but we did it!

We also finished all the favor boxes!! I had my own little hot glue sweatshop made up of my aunts, cousins, and cousin's kids at my surprise shower :) (sorry the photos are all turned around)

mmm... cake .... thanks Mom!

Matt loves him some bridal mags

Engagement Picture Session: Boston!

2008-07-17T10:07:00.000-04:00

We got our engagement pictures back from Lisa Richards, our wonderful friend who is just starting out in the photography business, and she sent us a slideshow of the pictures. Here are some of our favorites:

This pic is one of my faves because the shirts are from when we coached girls' basketball at different schools and met at an all-league coaches' meeting....

Fenway Park, OF COURSE

We went back to the Green Dragon, the site of our first date!

Had to take a picture outside Mike's Pastry in the North End.

Then this random lady came up and yelled, "Are ya gettin' married? You need a kiss from THE QUEEN!!!" Who was that lady???

And, of course, had to get a shot on the playground. Matt and I had this really serious talk on the swingset at the park across the street from my apartment, where we officially decided we would try to make a go of it.

I highly recommend getting pictures of the places that are meaningful to you!! It was so great to go back to the Green Dragon -- neither of us had been since our first date!

Huge thanks to Lisa for her great work! We can't wait to display these at the reception!

1 Month.

2008-07-09T09:57:00.001-04:00

Holy mother of all that is good and pure.

One. Freaking. Month.

I feel strangely calm, even a little bit excited, which is not at all how I pictured myself one month out. I thought I would look more like this:

I have to say I love this picture. I don't even like cats, but I LOVE this picture.

Sure, we have a lot going on. Matt and I bought a house two weeks ago. Still trying to coordinate a move for me. My commute is two hours (but I only have to do it twice). Matt started a new job. Our show is going on tour in two weeks and I'm in charge of it. But there is something freakishly calm about me that I'm starting to get worried that I'm TOO calm, or that it's the famous calm before the storm, the calm in movies that makes you think something crazy is about to happen, like a big alien head bursting onto the scene and eating everyone in sight. God, I hope I'm not that alien head.

I used to be a pretty big commitment-phobe, and sometimes I catch myself feeling those old "wait, forever?!? really?!?" vibes, but they go away on their own now, whereas before I probably needed therapy. Matt and I have grown a lot in these last three years, and we talk about the people we used to be all the time. I mean, I used to be a crazy, man-hating boozehound stuck among the farms of Dutchess County, New York, flirting with doorknobs if I could. Matt used to be a beer-guzzling, tobacco-chewing meathead whose definition of cleaning included using an old box for a trash can. For six months. I pointed this out to him as we were in last Saturday on 4th of July weekend, after we'd loaded the dishwasher, cleaned up the kitchen, and sat down to watch Army Wives.

Take a picture, people. We're grown-ups now.

AND WE'RE GETTING MARRIED IN ONE MONTH!!!!!!

WHEEEEE

Don't forget to ask people to do stuff...

2008-07-05T11:18:00.000-04:00

...because I definitely forgot to ask my cousin Genevieve if she would be one of our readers. Scenes from a mediterranean restaurant in San Mateo:

Me: "So, about the reading ..."
G: "What reading?"
Me: "The one at our wedding?"
G: "I'm reading?"
Me: "Are you telling me I never asked you?"
G: "Uh ... no..."
Me: "Uh, ok ... so ... will you?"
G: (uncontrollable laughter)

DIY Weekend #4

2008-07-04T17:12:00.000-04:00

This year, I brought Independence Day in with a bang (no pun intended -- ok maybe intended). Our RSVPs are 95% in, and I'm waiting on 22 errant stragglers. Matt and I did a happy dance last night because it looks as if we could come in a little under budget (like maybe by $100) and if we do, we will have successfully pulled off a year in which we bought a house, turned 30, got married, and had a ... honeymoon. No baby jokes please.

Meanwhile, my hubby-to-be gets some celebrity status for his bachelor party ... in Maine. Hilarious.

May I present ... the table numbers!

Rockin' the blue jacket from the Toronto days. Love the Eskimo look.

Wedding Planning Bender #2

2008-06-19T10:18:00.000-04:00

Hi folks, we're back from our latest escapades in the sunny state of California. Matt and I spent about 125 hours in my home state, and we slept for maybe 5 of them. Here are some of the highlights of the day:

Hair and Makeup Trial with Venus Salon:

BEFORE:

AFTER:

I stressed to Katie, my new favorite person, that I did not want to look like Tammy Faye Baker, as I was wont to do when eyeliner was applied. She was exceptional at NOT making me look like this.

Then we met with our florist, and I got to watch my fiance's eyes glaze over again.

Then we sped back up to the Bay Area to Rin's Bridal, where I tried on my dress and fell head over heels IN LOVE with the alterations. I had been having some anxiety over the choice to add straps, and I was worried about how they would turn out. They actually work beautifully. Thanks Rin!

Then my mom and I ended the day by obliterating Michael's for little easels for each table. Our table number plan:

Here is a sneak peek at table # 1985:

(see, I was a Sox fan THEN too!!)

Then, Sunday, my mom and aunts surprised me with a shower! But what was most hilarious was the way I found out about it. It was disguised as a Father's Day potluck, and about 2 hours into the potluck, as I was stuffing my face with my aunt's lumpia (mmm!!!! diet begone!!!), my phone rings. It's my sister.

Me: "Hello?"
Michelle: "HAPPY SHOWER!!!!!"
Me: "What?"
Michelle: (long pause.) "Wait. What are you doing right now?"
Me: "Eating. What are you talking about?"
Michelle: "Um, (long pause, I start cackling with laughter) can you put Mom on?"

So my sister blew the surprise but I didn't care. It was HILARIOUS. We got so much great stuff from my aunts and my mom, including (cue Hallelujah chorus):

I hate our Target picnic set that currently serves as our flatware set. This is MUCH, MUCH better.

For the grand finale, we booked the chair covers and the videographer, met with the DOC's, picked up parasols and paper lanterns, started the escort cards and table assignments, and Matt found his inner J. Crew model during our engagement shoot (I'll post pics later!). And I finally got Dad to choreograph something to a NORMAL father-daughter dance, not the Argentinian tango, which was his previous choice and had a move that involved me wrapping a leg around him. No thanks.

Now we're back in CT and packing furiously, getting ready for the move this weekend. I cannot wait for July 4th weekend -- our first weekend off in MONTHS.

What are we going to do to occupy our time AFTER the wedding???

Challenges

2008-06-10T16:07:00.000-04:00

Planning a wedding comes chock-full of challenges with varying degrees of difficulty. Here are some of the challenges I've faced along this road:

1) Job change + buying a house + planning a wedding = ultimate insanity. Throw in "have a kid" or "turn thirty" and you've got yourself a banner year. (Note: we don't have the kid ... turning 30 is enough for this girl)

2) Diplomatically handling your ballroom-dancing-obsessed father, who spends nine months of your engagement trying to choose a first dance. He eventually lands on The Argentinian Tango, until I remind him that it's probably not best to kick off the party with lascivious connotations between father and daughter. Ew.

3) The guest list. This is a nightmare that won't die.

4) The wedding nightmares. Last night it was that I showed up for the ceremony in my gym clothes. A couple of months ago my dream featured the ceremony taking place in the multipurpose room of my junior high school cafeteria. I could go on and on.

5) Vendor Benders. Disguised as a vacation, we meet about a thousand vendors in a super-short timespan. Kind of like those European tours they used to advertise -- "48 countries in 3 days!"

6) The rehearsal dinner. That guest list made me freak out a little bit - especially since EVERYONE is out of town. We made it "Wedding Party/Out of the Country Only" -- nice compromise.

7) Finding time with the one you want to have time with. Matt and I have met this challenge better than any other challenge we've faced. Since the wedding is August 9th, from last August until now, we have done something special and non-wedding-related on the 9th of every month. It might be hokey, yeah, but I'm convinced it got us through some really stressful times.

I'm sure as we close in on the 1-month mark we will hit more bumps in the road ... but I wouldn't want to be driving that road with anyone else.

DIY Weekend #3

2008-05-24T22:50:00.000-04:00

With the Celtics in the playoffs and the PROBABLE house under contract, I have very little to do while Matt coaches his away games. What better way to kill time than to DIY some wedding projects?

The first DIY project I undertook was not for the wedding, but for our probable new house (I promised Matt I would say "probable" because I don't want to jinx it, as we will not close until late June). I hated the look of our old dining set, which we bought off a little sidestreet store in Ogunquit, Maine for a whopping $80. I mostly didn't like how it did not go with anything in our apartment, and knew it wouldn't go with our new kitchen decor (IF we get the house, those weird poles on the breakfast bar are history and those cabinets are going white with nice silver handles...IF IF IF...):

So I took this old table (sorry, it is an old pic):

And I went to work -- primer, 3 coats, voila! New look for an old table. For the cost of a can of paint and primer.

I was so high off that DIY project (and the paint fumes) that I took on two more projects from my wedding list: the menus and the bridesmaid tote bags.

I took the menus to get cut at Fedex Kinkos. The bad news is, they screwed up with cutting the menus. The good news is, they fixed it for free, and while we were waiting to pick up the project, we bought two couches for the PROBABLE house. But that's a story for another time.

And finally, I swung by my old hangout, AC Moore, to grab some letters for a quick touch to my bridesmaid gifts:

Iron-on letters are so cute and easy! I personalized each bridesmaid's tote bag with a hand-painted design and their name (or nickname ... yes, my best friend Liz and I call each other "Heifer"). Easy touch for their goodies!

The last DIY project before we leave for California is the programs. I need to stock up on toner for my workhorse of a printer ... I'm bleeding it dry!

I can't believe we are heading into June! I honestly have no idea where the spring went! People are constantly saying to me, "Oh, you must be getting nervous," or "are you stressed???" but honestly, I think we're in a good spot. We have a vendor bender coming up, many of the DIY projects are done, nearly done, or waiting on RSVPs, so I think maybe one more DIY weekend and we could start pulling things together. I'll leave you with a preview of next weekend:

Matt, circa 1979.

Note that the socks and shoes are on in addition to the diaper, and nothing else. And he's holding a donut in his hand. He had a similar outfit on for Christmas 2007, including the donut.

Unhelpful People Make Me Cry

2008-05-19T16:51:00.000-04:00

I really, really want to like our venue coordinator. I really do. I mean, so what if she promised to have the banquet details emailed to me back in February, and they still haven't arrived? So what if she says no a lot, like to a discounted hotel room or buying a keg through their bar. We wanted a signature cocktail, and she told us it was $7.75 and not $5.75 as the pricing in our brochure says -- is that really a basis to hate on her? And so what if she doesn't return emails or calls but "swears she's working on it" and then goes off on vacation for a week?

Yeah, it's really hard to like her right now.

Who Needs Sleep When You Can Have Nights Like These???

2008-05-10T14:26:00.001-04:00

I have not slept in the last three nights. I am definitely one of those girls who becomes Captain Crankypants when I get under 6 hours regularly, and I am walking around looking like I got run over by a bus with honeymoon-sized bags under my eyes.

BUT, several milestones have occurred....

1) We submitted our first offer on a house this morning. I got no sleep last night because I spent most of it doing what I usually do before major decisions -- I was kneeling on the bathroom floor praying to the porcelain gods.

2) THE INVITATIONS ARE OUT!!!

3) My mother actually said to me, "I hope only 125 RSVP yes, including my guests." This is the first time she has expressed this; she spends most of her time on the other side of the fence, the "let's-order-more-invitations-and-they-can-eat-in-the-elevator" side. THANK. GOD. The ballroom only holds 175 (and that is tight) and the budget can probably only hold about 160 (see number 1 for details).

4) Apparently I sleep in the daytime now, which means I can stalk the mailbox for RSVPs.

5) Last night we attended a dinner party at Matt's school, where one of the -- shall I say, forced-invite guests -- came right up to me and asked if she could bring her daughter, because she is a student at the school and really loves Matt. She'd love it if we could invite her if the RSVPs don't all come through yes. Sound the buzzer people, that is a no-no. And she will not be the last person to ask me that question.

Let the madness begin.

HONEYMOON IS BOOKED!!!

2008-05-02T11:15:00.000-04:00

It was not without its fair share of blood, sweat, and tears, but in the maelstrom that has become our lives, I have hung on to this one picture (all images from Playa Del Sol webpage):

Yesterday, I took a deep breath, I cashed in nearly all of my Northwest Airlines frequent flyer miles, and I booked us two tickets to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

Sure, we have to stopover in Mexico City for a night, but I booked us a romance package at the Hilton, so at least we can indulge there.

With the gift of my parents' timeshare, the frequent flyer miles, and my Mexico City 1-night splurge, total price tag of the 8-day, 8-night honeymoon in Mexico: $927. Guacamole and margaritas not included, but I could care less at this point.

Somebody pour me a shot of Cuervo, I can already hear the cicadas.

ahhhh tailspin

2008-04-29T21:59:00.001-04:00

I have 100 days. 100 DAYS PEOPLE!!!!

In the next 7 days, I have to:

a) decide whether or not to play in the alumni rugby game. I might get jacked up pretty badly since I haven't touched a rugby ball in, oh, maybe 9 years

b) redo all of my RSVPs, since the ones I had ordered are TOO SMALL TO MAIL. Finish the out-of-town bags, wrap up the insane DIY projects, seek therapy for a Michael's Craft Store addiction.

c) order up some margaritas, along with two plane tickets to Mexico.

Over the next 100 days, I have to:

a) combine the majority of two apartments into one. from two states to one.

b) trade in the truck for a hybrid.

c) have what is hopefully a kickass wedding.

Yeah, I thought I'd be a GREAT idea for us to pull up roots in about a month, find another apartment or (GULP) maybe (WHEEZE INTO PAPER BAG) buy a house, move two apartments into that living space, trade our truck, buy a car, you know, the usual summer plans. Then I thought we'd get married too.

How's your summer lookin'?

Happy Earth Day!

2008-04-22T11:44:00.001-04:00

As I've mentioned in previous posts, Matt and I are trying to go green in a lot of different ways for our wedding. I have come to terms with the fact that ours will be a destination wedding no matter where we have it, but I have made sure that we can offset our impact in other ways -- maybe not traditionally "green" ways, but green nonetheless.

1) We made sure our reception hotel, The Marriott, has a recycling program, and that the food that does not get eaten goes to a place that needs it.

2) We rented out a state park garden for the ceremony -- I feel good that our money has gone toward preserving that.

3) Our centerpieces will find a second home at the Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula, so that patients can enjoy them and they won't go straight into the trash.

4) Everybody's hoofin' it to the reception -- us included (well, we might spoil ourselves with a two-person pedi-cab)! The ceremony and hotel are a stone's throw apart. No need for Hummer limos or even shuttles.

5) Recycled cardstock for all things paper -- yes, recycled cardstock exists!! Paper And More has a great selection at affordable, non-Paper Source prices (though I do love me some Paper Source).

6) DIY silkscreening (see previous post for details) -- no paying exorbitant costs and no need to use that terrible energy-sucking dryer machine.

7) Earth-Friendly Seafood -- we are serving Pacific Halibut as one of the meal offerings - which, according to the Monterey Bay Aquarium Sustainable Seafood Guide, is the best choice for halibut.

Hooray for Earth Day!

3 * 3 * 3

2008-04-16T21:31:00.000-04:00

Can you figure out the subject line????

3 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days left until the wedding.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I was on the Knot and saw someone's ticker and it made me freak out a little bit. Up next on the To-Do List this weekend:

Matt's tux
Book the honeymoon
Cake topper
Cocktail hour music

I am kind of excited for the tux thing. My mom, smart bargain hunter that she is, braved a bridal fair solo in Cali and got the boys a $25 discount and Matt's tux free! We were originally going to do charcoal grey suits, but MW Tux Empire doesn't carry anything but black. So, this was Matt's choice:

I like it! Hopefully I'll be able to take some pics this weekend. After Janinne's bachelorette ... oh lordy.

DIY Weekend #2

2008-04-13T21:17:00.001-04:00

As I wrote before, we are going to give away re-usable tote bags to our guests filled with Ghirardelli square chocolates, Cape Cod potato chips, water, Advil, Monterey tourist magazines/coupons, and itineraries for the week.

So I decided to get serious about this whole DIY silkscreen thing. After getting sticker shock from quotes given to me by silkscreeners in Hartford and Boston ($265-500 for 100 bags) I decided to take matters into my own hands. Armed with a 50% off coupon for Jo-Ann Fabrics and Mrs. Lemon's brilliant OOT bag demo from Weddingbee, I picked up the following supplies:

1 soft rubber brayer - $5.00
1 stencil starter set - $6
3 tubes of Tulip Slick Fabric Paint (black - 4 oz) - $12
2 black stencil sheets - $1.50
1 exacto knife - $6

Total cost: $30.50

I cut out the stencil of my cypress tree graphic with the exacto knife. Then I taped the stencil to the bag. I used the brayer to spread ink over the design. Eventually I switched to the brushes provided in the starter stencil set when the ink started to get sloppy at the edges.

After a few hours, this is what our living room floor looked like...

After letting the paint dry for 24 hours, I put Matt in charge of heat-setting the paint with an iron.

Nice bedhead, babe!

I did about 40 bags tonight, and I'll do another 60 in a few weeks, when I have more time. Seriously though, nothing excites me more than saving $200+ and creating something personal and beautiful for the wedding.

One Day, Two Rings

2008-04-08T21:36:00.000-04:00

We had a rare treat today -- 12 whole hours together, and none of it were spent sleeping. We got up early, we both took the day off work, and we drove up to New Hampshire to our jeweler, Barmakian Jewelers, to pick up our wedding rings. We ordered them back in February the last time we had a rare day off together, and we made sure we were the first ones in the store to pick them up. They are SO BEAUTIFUL. I can't stop looking at them.

I'm making Matt take them to Connecticut so I don't keep trying mine on. I tried it on in the car and fumbled it badly, and almost lost it between the seat and the console!

Then we went straight from there to Fenway Park so we could watch the Red Sox pick up their rings for being the 2007 World Champions. A little different from ours, but special just the same.

The Sox did not disappoint, beating the Tigers 5-0. It was a pretty special day -- our first Opening Day, a tradition of sausages with peppers and onions, and the same day the Red Sox got their rings and began their new season, we got ours for the start of ours.

You Seem Familiar...

2008-04-07T10:16:00.000-04:00

I got to thinking about all the things that Matt and I have in common versus what we don't. Some are kind of funny, so I thought I'd share.

1) Die-hard sports nuts.

We'll follow the Red Sox to Florida, get obsessed with March Madness, defend the Patriots' blemished Super Bowl run, and will change our schedules around for any free tickets we can get our hands on (except maybe the NBA, which we kind of find boring). In addition to following our favorite teams, we also try to extend our college playing careers in various co-ed sports leagues around the city.

2) Big, crazy families.
This, I'm convinced, is the secret to our success. We both feel very much at home with each other's families. My family has no volume control, does karaoke as religiously as Christmas Eve mass, and our idea of get-togethers are all-out, all-day food fests with loud, chatty aunts, several beer runs, and endless rounds of Guitar Hero. Matt's family is somewhat similar; six boys and one girl equals a stuffed house, great food, football on TV, and push-up contests in the hallway.

3) Teaching genes.
My grandmother was a kindergarten teacher, his father was a math teacher. Matt and I were both teachers at different prep schools in the same league.

4) This one is Matt's favorite: We were both English majors at schools in the Pioneer Valley in Massachusetts. Of course, they were very different schools -- his was the jock-worshipping school, mine was the #1 liberal arts college in the nation. SURE they were the same, hon.

Now, the differences:

1) I like my Shakespeare, he likes his Sports Center.

Once, I tried to make him watch Shakespeare in Love. That did not go over well. He kept falling asleep and he would jolt awake and utter non-sequiturs about editing and cinematography to make me think that he was watching.

2) He is even-keeled, I am a hothead.
This may be why we work best, because I get to throw fits and he can calmly tell me to stop overreacting. It's a pretty good way of dealing with conflict, I think.

3) I am a techie nut, he figured out how to use voice mail shortly after we started dating.
Matt did not have a phone or a TV for his first few years out of college. He still has no CDs or any knowledge of how to operate iTunes. I have two iPods, two digital cameras, a camcorder, and a GPS. Last week at a friend's house, he picked up an iPod shuffle and asked if it was a barrette. Case in point.

Approaching the four months to go mark. Onward!!!

hmm ... guess I'll see ya at the altar...

2008-04-02T15:24:00.000-04:00

We are entering scheduling H-E-double hockey sticks. Looking at my calendar for the next four months before the wedding produced a crying fit unseen in this world. I didn't know what to cry about first, honestly -- the amount of time left to do everything on the TO DO MASTER LIST document on my desktop, or the fact that I may not see Matt for any of it.

See, my new enemy is varsity baseball. Matt has agreed to coach it, which means longer games, longer roadtrips, marathon practices in the gym instead of JV cancellation when it rains, and ... well... tight pants. I hate varsity baseball.

Here's a quick glimpse into my weekends:

April

5-6 Palm Springs with the fam
12-13 work late/DC trip for work/Matt's doubleheader (because it really makes sense to play 20 innings against the same team)
19-20 Matt has an away game close to upstate NY
26-27 Possible Vineyard trip with the bball ladies

Bye Bye April.

May
3-4 Amherst Rugby Alumni Game/ Matt's game, again near upstate NY
10-11 Mother's Day Weekend
17-18 Matt away game
24-25 Matt away game further than the last one/Memorial Day weekend
31- Playoffs / my friend's wedding (i'm going solo)

Did you happen to see "Finish Numerous Do-It-Yourself Projects" mentioned anywhere? Or "calligraphize invitations"? Or maybe even, "Pre-Cana"?

Didn't think so. "Dinner with future husband" isn't even scheduled.

Holy crap, four months to go and I'm swimming in a stress blender.

Suddenly, it's Friday Night DIY

2008-03-28T20:50:00.001-04:00

So, most people our age tend to hit the town on Friday nights. Blow off steam from work, have a few drinks, maybe do some dancing. Not us. We turned on March Madness, and I was on a mission: create gift tags for the out of town guest bags. Stephen Curry was draining threes, I was spinning craziness on Microsoft Word. DIY-ing anything for me is a huge, huge celebratory thing, because I am from the land of "those who can't do pay someone else to do it." After searching for a week for printable gift tags, I decided to try something crazy and make my own.

And I DID IT!!!

The bags are from JiffyShirts.com, and they were super speedy and cost $2.50 a pop. I plan to have them screenprinted with our cypress tree logo and the date.

These little babies will be attached with green ribbon. Aren't they cute? They say in orange at the bottom: "Please re-use me at the grocery store." Trying to go green, y'know?

WHEEEEEEE!!!!! Who needs beer when you have the DIY high?

Happy Friday, everyone.

MOH pulls through in the clutch

2008-03-27T09:56:00.000-04:00

Matt likes to say that my family is the kind of funny where you're funny and you don't even know it. If you've met my mom, you know what I mean. I remember once I called her on her cell and she mentioned she'd taken a fall early that morning -- off the kitchen counter. When I asked what she was doing on the kitchen counter at 6:30am, she seemed to shrug and reply that she was just trying to wash the windows. At 6:30am. On a weekday.

Because we all do that.

My sister also falls into the category of unknowingly funny. Here's an example. She and her husband are remodeling their house, and they put a bunch of it on her credit card. Despite this, my sister spies a bag she's wanted in a store window -- it's marked down from $175 to $125. I don't know what it is about bargains in my family -- we take to them like moths to a flame and can smell an outlet mall about 50 miles away. But that red clearance tag triggers something deep and inherent in our genetic makeup, and we must have it, even if it is something we already own (we may need a spare!). Even if, in my sister's case, this bag becomes the fifteenth in her collection and the price tag is what prompts a bust through her credit limit and a quick phone call to the credit card company.

But, to her credit, she is a great shopper. She knows all the websites, all the coupon codes, all the secret deals. And yesterday, after I spent four hours (YES. FOUR HOURS. OF MY LIFE. I AM NOT GETTING BACK.) trolling the internet for a pair of shoes that matched an anonymous wedding photo I had glimpsed, I turned to her. She found them in under 25 minutes. For $35. Point. Click. Mine. Incredible.

YESSSSSSSS

Stickin' It to the Man

2008-03-06T14:57:00.000-05:00

Folks, I apologize for the absence. I have been anti-wedding planning for about two months now. Just couldn't get myself going. I took a break after Christmas and then unearthed my wedding planning binder while looking for tax-related work receipts in the closet. Then I went, "oh yeah...."

So I started making a to-do list. It got very large, I freaked out, and I shoved the binder in a drawer. But I knew I would have to face it sometime. And today, I did.

Photoshop and I have had a love-hate relationship. Sometimes it does what I want, and sometimes it does what it wants. So the Photoshop odyssey started when I got a letterpress invitation quote over $500 for one design, one set of 100 maps & directions. After I breathed into a paper bag for a while, I turned to Photoshop.

I think conquering Photoshop is a lot like learning how to drive. There are all these buttons, pedals, things to check, levers, etc, but once you get that "aha!" moment, it's like ... well ... driving. Today, I conquered Photoshop.

What I really wanted was something akin to this (from weddingpaperdivas.com), but with a picture map:

I liked these hand-drawn maps from Carrot & Stick Press, but I don't have the budget for this.

So here's what I came up with this morning on Photoshop (we're back in love):

First, I printed maps off of Google. Then I traced the lines I wanted, and went over those lines with a Sharpie. I scanned my tracing and imported the files into Photoshop, and took it from there. I never thought I could make something like this, but I am so, so happy I didn't fork over that cash for the letterpress!

I present to you (drumroll please!) my invitation insert!

I feel like running around the building screaming, I'm so happy.

Playing Peek-a-boo

2008-02-20T09:36:00.000-05:00

We have been super busy over here! Matt's current project is trying to untangle the complex web of Catholicism, and what happens when two Catholics try to get married in a civil ceremony (insert my childhood priest choking on the holy wine here). We just booked our plane tickets so that we can actually get to our own wedding (a small detail I overlooked until Matt reminded me) and I'm arranging for strangers to attack my head with strange products (aka hair/makeup trials).

We have been cruising along, on the same page with everything, until (insert squealing of brakes here) I mentioned to my best friend/bridesmaid and my friend the officiant that Matt and I had planned to see each other before the ceremony.

"YOU'RE GOING TO WHAT????" (insert record scratch here)

Originally, Matt and I had decided to see each other before the wedding, and get the pictures out of the way so we could enjoy our reception. A lot of couples have done it with much success, and I think it's a nice private moment for the two of us. I envisioned it like this picture from Mrs. Violet on Weddingbee, sneaking up on him in a spot in the garden where we're getting married, having the photographer right there....

But my two friends were adamantly against this. They argue that this is one of those special moments you never forget as a married couple.

"YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!!!" my friends shouted. "YOU'LL REGRET IT FOREVER!!" (cue soap opera drama underscore)

I'll be truthful here. Originally, we wanted to see each other before the ceremony to get the crying out of the way. Matt will probably never forgive me for saying this, but he thinks he's going to cry at the ceremony. And I sympathetically respond with, "Come on, you pansy! Pull yourself together! Geez."

But if he cries, I'm going to cry. I'm a sympathetic crier, no matter what the situation, especially if I see males crying. Right before my sister walked down the aisle ten years ago, she started bawling. We were in the church bathroom, the last ones down the aisle, and I started bawling too. But then the wedding coordinator grabbed my arm and threw me down the aisle, and I cried all the way. I remember my mother glaring at me with the look of death. It's on video, forever. It's horrible to watch. I never, ever want that to happen to me again.

We still haven't really figured out what we're going to do. For now, I really, really hope he does not get mushy on me and fall to pieces. But I know he will. And I'll wind up smacking him once I get up to the altar, hissing, "Suck it up for once, wouldya?"

The Dreaded Question

2008-02-12T16:32:00.000-05:00

Next to "How's the wedding planning going?" and "When are you going to have babies?", the worst question we hate to hear is, "So what's going to happen after the wedding?"

That is a GREAT question. If I knew the answer to that I would probably cry with joy.

See, Matt lives in Hartford, CT. I live in Boston, MA. It's been that way since the beginning. We both have great jobs. His gives him FREE housing. Neither of us wants to make the three hour roundtrip shlep.

Matt is a teacher, and people at his job LOVE him. The parents often come up to me at school events and ask the dreaded question pointedly. All I hear is, "So what's going to happen next year, hmmm YOKO?"

I kid, because if Matt were to leave it would probably be the furthest thing from breaking up the Beatles, but it sometimes feels that way. But I can't just leave my job. I scratched and clawed for years to get the job I'm in now. And it's such a specific industry that you can't just pick up and find a job anywhere. So we're in an endless quandary of "What's going to happen after the wedding?"

These days, I hate this question more than "how's the wedding planning going," only because I've purposely sat on my ass and done nothing. Six months away, and I don't even know where my wedding planning binder is. It's a strange, freed bird feeling. And yet when I say I've done nothing, people's jaws drop, they want to shake me by the shoulders, my mom's head spins all the way around. But I've just hit a wall. A week from yesterday, I will have been engaged for exactly a year, and for now, the answer to all questions will be, "Whatever happens happens."

Martha!

2008-01-23T14:30:00.000-05:00

I did it -- I took the day off work and dragged Matt to the taping of the Martha Stewart Engaged Couples Special last Tuesday in New York City. Matt had no idea who Martha Stewart was and was too embarrassed to ask for the day off to go to such a monumental event, so he just called in sick. How lame.

Here we are in our seats - doesn't he look thrilled to be there?

A wide shot of Martha's set:

For the 60 minute taping, we saw a bridal gown and bridesmaid dress fashion show from designers Badgley & Mischka (I don't remember their first names, that's how INTO fashion I am), a presentation of wedding cakes from baker Wendy Kromer (see, I remembered her name, probably because of my relationship with cake), a bit with Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine Editor Darcy Miller about china patters and something old/something new/something borrowed/something blue (which is basically right out of the Winter 2008 issue of the magazine.

Before the taping, the emcee guy said he would give out prizes to the most exuberant clappers (I'll do anything for a freebie), and he did a raffle for a 3-day, 2-night trip to Tampa/St. Petersburg, which I really wanted to win because I had just scored Red Sox spring training tickets for Matt's birthday and we could use the free lodgings. While we didn't win that, we did win a whole HOST of things, including a digital video camera, a $100 gift card for Wedgewood China, a custom locket to hang off the bouquet, perfume from Badgley Mischka, a copy of Martha Stewart Weddings magazine, and a hardcover book called Martha Stewart's Wedding Cakes.

And I clapped my little engaged ass off for a set of tapered candles.

I would say it was worth it, definitely!

Wedding Dreams/Nightmares

2008-01-16T14:05:00.000-05:00

Lately I've had a series of bizarre wedding-related dreams. The first one I shook off as random, a kind of, oh, I hear these things happen, but then I had a second, and a third, and then they just kept coming.

Dream #1: Wedding does not take place in the hotel we booked but instead a wedding "factory" that seems to resemble my junior high school cafeteria/multipurpose room. In fact, all the guests are elementary-school aged and seated Indian-style in front of the stage. I can find none of my bridesmaids or my dad so I walk in when I think it's my turn. Wedding factory coordinator chastises me for walking in out of order.

Dream #2: Florist with manaical laugh attempts centerpiece arrangements using balloon animals. I carry a bouquet made of red balloon swords.

Dream #3: I drive into a parking garage to get my hair done in the basement of a German restaurant. The woman who sold me my dress, Rin, is doing my hair, and it looks like crap. One half is braided and the other half is curled, neither of which I asked for. My sister shows up, and her hair is f$#@d up too -- all curls on the top of her head like Little Bo Peep. She says we're late for the ceremony and the basement starts to flood, I can't find my car in the parking garage, and Rin doesn't validate.

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

Cash Fast

2008-01-11T11:50:00.000-05:00

While I was performing my impersonation of a hamster on a wheel at the gym today, I looked up just in time to see Matt Lauer suggest something called a "Financial Fast." He said you should try, for a week, not to spend any cash. Just a week.

Then I had a mis-step and nearly fell off the treadmill. I told you. Last in line when grace was handed out.

It sounded like an easy idea at first. I looked at the calendar to see if I could do it. Start Monday? Nah, going to New York City on Tuesday, have to pay for the train ticket. Monday after that? Nah, that's MLK holiday weekend, I'm bound to bleed some dollahs then. The Monday after that? Matt has a four-day weekend, wants to go skiing.

Oh, and did I mention I already dropped a boatload on Matt's birthday gift next week? The kind of boatload that leaves you up s%4t creek without a paddle.

Ugh. I am a financial failure.

With the fasting, that is. I think it's a great idea. I mean, I don't even want to think about the tab I rack up weekly at the company cafeteria, never mind the coffee addiction I'm trying (not really trying actually) to work through. Gas and tolls every weekend. And then there are those cute shoes in the window at Banana Republic, and sale emails from Kate Spade bombarding the inbox. You reach for your credit card ... DON'T DO IT!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! I think I need to install a mousetrap on my wallet.

What do you think, guys? In this day and age, can a cash fast be done?

Can't we just practice eating?

2008-01-07T18:34:00.000-05:00

I am a practice person. Especially when it comes to something like a wedding, where you only get one shot at walking down the aisle. I need practice.

My ceremony site does not present many obstacles.

There's a fountain full of koi fish in the center, and a couple of blind step-downs, but I think I can handle it. My dad probably won't be able to catch me if I snap a heel, though.

So we'll rehearse. Practice makes progress, I like to say.

Then we'll stuff our faces at the rehearsal dinner. That's really my favorite part.

Montrio was our first choice for a rehearsal dinner restaurant. It was voted Best Restaurant of Monterey in 1997. So what if that was 10 years ago? Matt and I ate at the bar there and it was delicious. We made an appointment by phone to see the manager, who strangely kept disappearing right when we would try to schedule the appointment in person. We loved the private upstairs section of the Montrio, specifically for its affordable menus, its ability to seat 60 people, and their willingness to let us karaoke to our hearts desire. That's right. I said karaoke. I meant it. As they say in Adventures in Babysitting: "Nobody leaves this place without singin' the blues."

But even with an appointment, we arrived too late. We were second in line. We would have to wait until after January 1st to hear whether or not the first couple's deposit had been paid. A third couple arrived after us, overheard our conversation with the manager, and bolted.

It was the first time in my wedding planning that someone had beaten me. And I am really competitive. I do not like to lose. PERIOD.

The fighter in me was emerging. "Where to?" asked the love of my life. "Cannery Row," I said without hesitation.

We originally tried to avoid Cannery Row at first because of the major tourist traps and rising prices, but we found a nugget of gold among them. I flung open the door to the Culinary Center of Monterey, and found chef Mary Pagan on the phone. I don't think they thought the door was open. They were definitely not open for business.

CCM was technically closed for the holidays, Mary said of course they would meet with us. After all, we'd come all the way from the East Coast, they could spare a few minutes.

This is the view from the terrace at the Culinary Center of Monterey. We told Mary our budget. Mary said OK. We asked if we could bring the karaoke machine. Mary said OK. She also said we could customize our menu to reflect our personalities. For this reason, we are able to serve lumpia (my favorite Filipino appetizer -- like a small eggroll) with bacon-wrapped scallops (Matt's favorite appetizer). What a GODDESS.

I love the Culinary Center of Monterey. I may enjoy that more than the wedding! hmmm....might be something wrong with that.

New Year's Resolutions? Never Heard of 'Em

2008-01-03T11:19:00.000-05:00

Actually, that's a lie. I have heard of them. I make them every year on December 31st, and I break them every year by January 2 at the latest. Before I was engaged, they used to involve some kind of promise to stop chasing after bad boys, or abstaining from massive alcohol consumption in public, or attempting to attend a public event without spilling. Always, without fail, busted by January 2.

But this year I am supposed to be maturing. I am hitting all kinds of life milestones. I am getting married. I am turning thirty. I really should not be making resolutions like, "I promise not to embarrass myself in front of my boss at the company picnic or take advantage of the open bar." It is time, in jock's words, to stop setting the program back.

So I have made a few resolutions which I intend to stick to:

1) Have fun wedding planning, but watch the checkbook.

I am honestly having fun with this. Matt and I made several great deals with vendors, and I found myself writing checks and skipping off to the mailroom like I would have done at age 8 if skipping wasn't too girly for me. Honestly, the fun in this is ... how shall I put it ... sticking it to the wedding "man." Finding a DJ for less when others said it couldn't be done. Getting a team of day-of coordinators for a STEAL, something I never thought could be possibly. Finding a photographer I love at half the cost of others. It just makes me giddy.

2) Eat better, everywhere.

I have the hardest time eating on vacation, in part because my rule is that I don't have to on vacation. Nor do I have to work out. Double-edged sword. I may have busted this one last night at the All-Star Cafe, where I ordered a beer, cheese fries, and a sandwich called The Atomic Meatloaf Meltdown.

3) Do something that scares you.

Got this one covered. It's called MARRIAGE.

So, in honor of life's milestones, I declare that 2008 should be one of the best.

You Call This a Vacation?

2007-12-27T23:55:00.000-05:00

My cousin warned me about this - the devil is in the details, she said. I laughed, got on a plane, and tried to knock six things off the checklist before I even knew what happened. Looking back, it's a wonder I have not checked into Promises.

Day One in California: Matt and I drive down to Monterey. We hit Santa Cruz to hear the ceremony guitarist, then have two (count 'em, TWO) floral meetings where I change my mind about a billion times. We pop into about a half dozen salons to check on hair/makeup/pedicures. Swing by the Travelodge -- our best budget option in a town where hotels run about $180-250 -- and get smacked with the bad news that not only do we NOT have a legitimate hotel block, but that our arrangements over the phone were made with an incompetent employee who was not allowed to do groups in the first place. I almost cried. Check that -- I did cry. Sprinted to two other hotels to check on our blocks there. Dinner at Montrio Bistro, loved the banquet room (perfect for the karaoke after-party!), made an appointment to book the place for a rehearsal dinner. Check, check, check, check.

Day Two in California: Met with two DJs in a span of two hours at two different Starbucks. At a third Starbucks, we meet with a day-of coordinator, who was awesome. Mom loved her and wanted to sign her immediately, but I made her sit there and talk for an hour. I felt the stress lift away the minute I signed on the dotted line. Drove across town to meet with Evelyn, the baker, a sweet old lady who works out of her house. She's adorable. We showed her a picture of our dream cake and she said she could do it AND we could afford it. I definitely cried when she hugged me goodbye. Then we drove into the city to check out one of the DJs at a gig, practically crashed the wedding, then passed out in the front seat of our car. Check, check, check.

Day Three in California: Mad scramble for last minute presents. Stopped at Joe Escobar to glance at rings, fell in love with one $600 out of my price range. Can I have a break from all the crying? For the love.

Day Four in California: Tasting at the hotel. Headaches over the cost of the bar, the budget, the linens. Where was the wine? Appointment at Montrio was a disaster. The place was booked for our date, I was crushed. I stomped over to the Culinary Institute of Monterey, where a miracle occurred, we met a goddess chef named Mary, and we walked out with a contract in hand. Check, check, check.

The short of it:

Ceremony guitarist: check.
DJ: check.
DOC: check.
Cake: check.
Florist: fuzzy.
Hotel blocks: fuzzy but check.
Tasting: check.
Rehearsal dinner: check.

Cue the Hallelujah chorus and pass the kleenex.

Stop The World, I Want to Get Off

2007-12-14T12:21:00.001-05:00

One minute, you're sailing along - venue, check, dress, check, great event coordinator, check, ceremony, check.

It only takes one nudge to knock down the dominoes.

Our great, great, GREAT event coordinator, Cynthia, called last night to say she had been promoted. She would not be our wedding coordinator anymore -- that job would be in the hands of her assistant. Ok, that's fine, but wasn't her assistant the one who lost our original ceremony contract? And is her assistant going to give us the same great deals and advice that she did, or will she be too busy trying to make a good impression holding the corporate line??? Cynthia found us a florist willing to work with our budget, she told me I could save on the overall package if I picked a cheaper one and did stuff a la carte -- she was amazing. And all this over the phone!!!!

I am so sad.

On the bright side, we have been thinking about hiring a DOC, and this might just be the solution. But more on that later.

Then my friend from work called. She's getting married before me. The dress hunt was as hard for her as it was for me -- we were in it together -- and she had less time. But she found the one.

The same one I bought a few months ago.

I'll admit it -- I did a girly thing and cried for a while. It was such a funny coincidence, and it was a total accident -- I know she didn't realize it was the same dress as mine -- so it was not her fault. There had to be another way. I sat up, dried my eyes, and figured out how to alter the dress to make it look different. It's strapless, so I'm going to add straps, maybe buttons if I can afford it. And since I was so self-conscious about my beefy American Gladiator back in the initial try-on, straps are going to help that immensely. Here is what I am thinking:

So I'm in love all over again. We can have our cake and eat it too. And the dominoes are up once again.

We're off to California for the holidays and about a jillion wedding-related meetings. Lots more coming down the pipe!

Now You Tell Me

2007-12-07T09:59:00.000-05:00

Actual except from a phone call with my sister/MOH:

Me: So did you get the shoes?

Miche: Which ones?

Me: The silver ones, to go with the bridesmaid dress??

Miche: Yeah, you know, I was going to say -- the blue in the dress is more of a brown blue than a black blue.

Me: You know I have no idea what that means.

Miche: I think it's the kind of blue you wear gold shoes with, not silver.

Me: Huh. You know, maybe we could have had this conversation before you told me that silver would work, and before I emailed all the bridesmaids the link to the shoes?

Miche: Yeah, good point. Oh well. They're just shoes.

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHH

Now I wake up nights with silver shoe anxiety.

This is what I had planned for the BMs:

This dress:

With these shoes:

Now, you know from earlier posts that I am a bit ... well... fashionally challenged. So I need your help. Do these shoes go with this dress????

Ahhhh In-Laws.

2007-11-27T11:39:00.000-05:00

Ok, my future in-laws are hilarious.

Keep in mind that the fifi is #6 out of 7 kids -- six boys and the youngest is a girl. There is a LOT of psychology in that.

Timeline of Thanksgiving Dinner:

1:00pm - Fifi and I pick up Grandma in Belmont. She's 91 and full of fire. We put the walker in the trunk and head west to Fifi's childhood home.

1:15pm - Fifi inquires about Grandma's love life. Grandma's not telling, but she hints that she's having fun "playing the field" on senior citizen trips to Foxwoods and North Conway, NH.

1:55pm - Fifi's phone rings. Fifi's dad, complete with loud, thick Boston accent, yells (his normal speaking voice is a yell), "Where the hell are ya? Have ya got Grandma?" To which Fifi responds (his Boston accent returns once we get close to his house), "We're around the cornah. Grandma's got a boyfriend, and she's gonna hit ya with her walkah."

2:00pm - We arrive. A 25-lb bird sits on the kitchen counter, and Fifi's dad is waving a large electric knife and hollering about high school football.

2:10pm - Grandma smacks Fifi's dad with walker.

2:15pm - Fifi's dad yells out, "THEY'RE GETTIN' MARRIED!" every time I walk through the kitchen, followed by, "YOU SURE (pronounced sho-ah) YOU WANNA DO THIS?"

2:30pm - Everyone starts to move toward the two tables set up for dinner. Fifi's second oldest brother dives into the food and fills his plate before grace. I realize that this is a survival tactic in a household that raised seven kids - those who hold back don't get fed.

2:35pm - We go around the table and say what we're thankful for. Fifi's dad gets emotional, fifi says he's thankful for me and everyone laughs at him, including me. Fifi's dad, as if on cue, yells: "THEY'RE GETTIN' MARRIED!"

3:40pm - Smack #2 from Grandma after Fifi's dad yells out that she's got a man.

3:45pm - annual family push-up contest (another all-boys household survival ritual). Fifi beats his 11-year-old niece to retain the title.

4:00pm - We're back on the road. Grandma attempts a third smack with the walker but Fifi dives in front of his dad and takes the hit instead.

Welcome to the future, ladies and gentlemen.

Say Whatever You Want to the Dress

2007-11-20T10:01:00.000-05:00

Last Friday, I made sure to tune in to TLC's "Say Yes To the Dress." It's a new show that follows the dress purchasing process at a huge bridal shop in New York called Kleinfeld's. My friend B wanted to make an appointment there when I was still in purchase mode, but when I called, they said two things that made my stomach turn: 1) there was a cancellation fee charged to my credit card if I did not show up for my appointment, and 2) dress prices started at "$1800 to dream land!" (according to the Kleinfeld website ... uh ... what dream land is that?). Needless to say, I never booked the appointment, but I was still curious about Kleinfeld's notoriety. I asked if the fifi wanted to join me, but he muttered something about needing to wash some dishes and retreated into the kitchen. So I settled in with my glass of wine and tuned in. Here are a couple of my observations:

1) It's tough buying expensive clothing, but sometimes it's tougher selling it.

If you ever wanted to see the ugly underbelly of wedding sales, look no further than the managers of the store. I understand where she's coming from - they need to make good numbers, and it's a really tough and competitive business - but I recognized in them the pushyness and insensitivity that I tried desperately in bridal salespeople. I had a rule when I went shopping -- if I loved the dress but not the salesperson, I left the store without the dress. The managers picked on a new salesperson named Claudia - I actually loved her style and method and the way she wasn't pushy and she respected how brides faced a big decision and needed time to think - but they wanted to fire her because of that.

2) Some people are just that high maintenance.

A lot of people who go into Kleinfeld's are the people whose daily existence is spent in "dream land." One girl came in to try on the dress she had ordered and they BROUGHT THE DESIGNER IN and complained that it wasn't exactly like the sample she had tried on that "made her look like an angel, like the day she was born" (according to her father, who said he would pay any price for his princess' happiness -- very similar to the dads that make me vomit on MTV's Super Sweet Sixteen). He reamed out the designer for screwing up the dress and demanded that she cut a new dress for his princess.

3) This show should be named "Say Stress to the Dress." Everything is high tension. The salespeople, the brides, everyone's nerves are shot -- including mine. At the end of the show I was completely stressed out for everyone. Dress shopping should not be this hard, and it doesn't have to be. I don't know if I'll be watching this again ... I needed another glass of wine just to put it behind me.

Floral Glory

2007-11-16T09:12:00.000-05:00

So, I didn't buy the bag. But it did get me thinking about how I could cut more costs and save more money aside from trimming the almighty guest list (which is another headache I may never recover from). I called and asked our florist if we could buy our own vases to cut down on the cost of our flowers, and he said no problem! So I sighed with relief. Then I got an email from my wonderful amazing event coordinator at the Marriott, and she said that the florist I had hired was the most expensive florist in Monterey, and that if I hadn't chosen one yet, she recommended two others just across the street from the hotel.

Whoa.

Here's the dilemma -- Fifi and I have already laid down $100 deposit for the "most expensive" florist. BUUUUUT - this shop across the street just quoted me a price that was almost $400 LESS for the same amount of flowers.

My inclination is to swallow the $100 and take the savings -- it still gives us $300 to throw at something else (like the honeymoon! or the rings! or the $175 I went over on my dress! the list goes on....)

So the short version is that two florists are now on the table, and it's time to play hardball. My plan is to go into our meeting with the "expensive" florist and see if they can match the price -- if they can, we stick with them. If they can't beat it and we like the shop across the street better, we'll save the money and go with them.

I love win-win situations.

I Am Ridiculous

2007-11-13T14:14:00.000-05:00

I believe this mostly because after three weeks of bringing my lunch to the office and cooking dinner at home AND resisting the Target Holiday catalog in order to SAVE MONEY FOR THE WEDDING, my heart melts when I see this:

Kate Spade is having an online sample sale. Go immediately unless you're like me, on a budget and utterly heartbroken.

I don't know why I want this so badly but I do. I also lust after other expensive things, like a Canon Rebel digital SLR and a iTouch video iPod. It's a disease.

I called the fifi looking for encouragement. Sometimes he picks up on that stuff and knows when I really want/need something (yeah right, I need a new handbag like I need a hole in my head), and sometimes he'll even buy it for me without me knowing it. But all he said was, "$200 for a handbag? Are you nuts? You don't need it. Get over it. You're freakin' crazy. $200? Is it made of gold or something?"

Ouch.

"But honey, it's SO PRETTY."

He's right, and of course I know that, but I still feel the need to keep the page open on my desktop so I can look at it. But he's nearly always right about this stuff. It's not made of gold, and I don't need it. I just bought a cute handbag a month ago for $15 at Marshalls. And another one at Target a month before that.

Another question comes to mind after typing all of this out --

When did I become such a GIRL????

I Buy, You Fly

2007-11-11T11:54:00.000-05:00

My bridesmaid L first uttered this phrase to me one tired morning while we were teaching at the same boarding school. I didn't know what she meant until she explained, "It means I'll buy the coffee if you go get it, dunderhead."

So, I overspent a little in my budget -- I'm $175 over budget on the dress. So I've spent the last week trying to figure out how to cut costs elsewhere. Especially since I think I do want pretty chairs too (when did I get out of hand like this???) So I did some searching, and I found my hallelujah chorus: Save-On-Crafts. Oh, yes please.

When we went in for our initial consultation with the florist, we picked vases that he said were about $15-20 each, flowers excluded. If we provide our own vases, we are talking about a possible savings of about $275. Minimum. We're meeting with the florist in December - and I'm hoping to tell him, I buy, you fly.

And I'm back in the game.

The Right Stuff

2007-11-05T13:51:00.000-05:00

Now that I have the dress, I'm putting myself on an eating plan. It's not that I need to lose weight, per se -- it's just that I want to eat better and be healthier. And make that dress look GOOOOOD.

I realized I was dumping a bunch of money on eating in the company cafeteria every day, so I challenged myself to stick to an eating plan. I went to the supermarket for the first time in about six months (no joke) and I loaded up on lunch food, healthy snacks, vegetables, and simple dinner recipes I got from www.self.com.

Over the last couple of months, we have eaten poorly, but exercised well, so it evened out (we were training for a half marathon). Now, I want to eat well AND exercise well, AND spend less money.

$30 got me lunch and dinner FOR THE WEEK. Estimated savings: $50/week. That adds up to about $200/month.

Last night, I made a red pepper, black bean & corn salad over wild rice. Fifi remarked, "Have you noticed we haven't really gone out to eat this month?" Then it dawns on him: "Oh, I get it now. Baby wants a ceremony guitarist."

Heck yeah. Now he's talking.

Red Pepper, black bean & corn salad

1 red pepper
1 can black beans
1 can whole kernel corn
scallions
tsp cayenne pepper
1 cup wild rice

Saute scallions and red pepper. Add corn, black beans. Sprinkle cayenne pepper. Serve over rice (4 servings). Good cold or hot. (takes less than 15 minutes to throw together)

It's as easy as that, girls.

Your Colors are WHAT?

2007-11-04T17:59:00.000-05:00

This is an actual quote from my florist.

Who knew you had to have "colors"???

We finally picked the bridesmaid dresses -- vintage blue from J.Crew. Well, I looove bold, bright colors. So I said, "I want blue, orange, red, and teal. Maybe green but probably teal."

Long, empty silence on the other end of the phoneline.

Then: "Ok..."

So, I ask you - are these weird colors?????

I guess a lot of people only have two -- like my cousin (pink and brown) or my friend K (blue and yellow). I've seen a lot of brown and blue, and a lot of pink and green. But I will have four. And I actually carry all four of them in my purse, so they're with me wherever I go.

That last part is not a joke. After I got that weird response from my florist, I went straight to Home Depot's paint aisle. Within five minutes I had a visual answer to everyone's incredulity.

I have these little squares tucked into a pocket in my purse, so that if I'm shopping for anything wedding-related, I have these little guys to answer to. I got one set for my florist, another for my venue, and yet another for the invitation printer. That way, there's no questions left unanswered.

I love my little squares. Plus I never spent a dime to get this kind of peace of mind! :)

Green is the new Pink

2007-10-31T10:09:00.000-04:00

I love that America has finally clued in to the environment, and I also love that brides and grooms are recognizing that there are ways to minimize the environmental impact of their weddings. Here are some ways that the fifi and I are going to try to minimize the environmental "footprint" of our wedding:

- We are making sure our venue has and uses a recycling program and that the kitchen uses organic, local produce. We are also taking advantage of the fact that Monterey Aquarium has produced a comprehensive list of seafood, The Seafood Watch Program, that tells us what to avoid and what is good to eat. You can find it here.

- We are not having a limo transport us to and from the ceremony. We made sure to find a ceremony location close enough to the reception so that it is a two minute walk for everyone. We're thinking one of these Monterey staples would do the trick, and would be great for photographs.

- We plan to use recycled paper for invitations and programs, and use an online RSVP system.

- My favorite thing we're doing is something that's happening back here; we are planting a tree at his school. I love that we can track the growth of our relationship through the growth of this tree.

My roommate pointed me to a great new online wedding magazine - it just started up but it has some great ideas and information: www.portovert.com.

What are some ways that you are going green?

Thinking Outside the Box

2007-10-29T11:23:00.000-04:00

I know that a lot of BM gifts are similar: monogrammed tote bag, jewelry, etc. I am not opposed to getting those for my girls -- I love the idea of personalizing something that they can use again and again.

They are so wildly different. In my wedding party, I have my sister, a mother of three and winner of the "I'm going to be picky about what you want me to wear" award, my best friends from the school where I used to teach -- one is a 42-year-old lacrosse coach who thinks and acts 25, one is a former party girl turned Georgia Southern --, my fifi's recently married sister L, and my friend J, who is an actress/puppeteer on our show. Their tastes run the gamut -- no two are alike. So picking BM gifts are proving more challenging than picking a wedding dress. I hope they don't peek (AHEM LADIES! I MEAN IT! NO PEEKING!!!)

I found these perrrrfect lunchboxes yesterday:

At $7.95 (lunchboxes.com) they are a STEAL. I'm going to Michael's next week to find some paint so I can paint each girl's name on the side.

Inside, I will put one of these:

$8 each from www.bananarepublic.com

That jewelry pouch will hold earrings and necklace TBD. I'm also going to throw in a pair of Old Navy flip-flops for dancing purposes.

But, the piece de resistance is my biggest surprise:

A whale watching cruise!!!

I'm going to see if there is money in the budget for spa treatments and lunch ... I love these girls a bushel and a peck and it's only appropriate that the gifts reflect that! :)

Meeting of the Minds

2007-10-29T10:35:00.000-04:00

Last night, the fifi and I held a meeting, basically so that we could catch each other up on the wedding. We've been running around like crazy lately, and last night before the Red Sox game (YESSSS!!!!!!) was the perfect time to sit down.

The fifi is not really a planner by nature. I bought him his first calendar -- out of frustration because he kept forgetting about things we had scheduled (LIKE WEEK-LONG TRIPS TO CALIFORNIA.). Organization is not his forte -- pass-blocking is (he's a football coach). But in a surprise move, he really wants in on the wedding planning, so I assigned him two really important things: find the DJ and book the honeymoon.

Now that I think about it, it kind of makes me nervous to have handed these things off to him. Maybe it's because I'm a Virgo, and by virtue of that a teeny control freak, and because he's never organized anything bigger than two-a-day practices.

But I have to give the fifi some credit. He planned the engagement in Memphis (although some outside factors kind of botched the overall plan -- more on that later) and he planned some nice weekend getaways. I have to learn to trust him with this, though it's not an easy task.

Neither is finding a good, non-cheesed out DJ. We have heard horror stories about DJ's who try to get grandma, who recently had hip replacements, to do the funky chicken. We've heard the one about the DJ who asked where he could set up the giant cardboard cutout of himself that he had brought so guests could see it. It's just so hard to pick one, since they all say what they think you want to hear, and they all charge crazy exorbitant prices, like $200/hour plus setup fees.

We were seriously considering having an iPod do the work for us, but after being at L & E's wedding, we realized how important the DJ was in keeping things rolling along. I don't want to have to worry about when the toasts are, when the first dance is. This is the one day I won't mind being told where to go and what to do.

I'd love to hear how people found their DJs -- they all seem the same to me...

At Long Last, Wedding Number 5

2007-10-26T15:09:00.000-04:00

My cousin G got married last week, and it feels like forever ago that I was in California chasing them around with a video camera. I don't have a lot of stills from the night because a) I was the videographer, and b) my fifi had to coach his football game and wasn't around to show anyone his kickin' new dance move, The Fake Worm.

The ceremony took place in the afternoon at my cousin's elementary school, St. Hilary's in Tiburon, CA (Marin County). The church recently got renovated and it is beautiful, full of light and very airy. I didn't think I liked mantillas or wanted a veil until I saw my cousin's -- now I just might consider it.

The reception started off with cocktails around a beautiful pond at the Marin Art & Garden Center. The outdoor bar had pitchers of sangria, and my whole family partook. It's weird to see my cousins, who are still age 8 in my mind, hitting the sauce.

G brought some cultural flava to her reception -- a touch I know my family appreciated but maybe some others might have been put off by. This is a Filipino favorite dish: a fully roasted pig we call LECHON. Everytime we have it, my father has us say The Anti-Cholesterol Prayer.

G & D have been together for a long time now, and it was such a wonderful wedding that had so many special touches. I loved that D had his groomsmen wear Vans, and that they had a photo area set up so that all we had to do was press a pedal with our foot, and we could snap an instant digital photo of ourselves for them! Prop bucket included....

(all photos courtesy of wedding guests)

That's it for attending weddings until at least May. PHEW!

BIG DECISION WEEKEND

2007-10-23T16:27:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it. Two, count 'em, TWO huge decisions have just been made.

1) I have dressed the bridesmaids. (YESSSSSSSSSS)

2) I have dressed MYSELF!!!!!! (DOUBLE YESSSSSSSSS!!!)

Anyone who knows me knows that I am terrible at big decision-making. Also known as commitment. But that's another story. I have decided that the bridesmaids look FANTASTIC in the J.Crew Sophia dress in chiffon - an absolute steal for $165. I couldn't in good conscience ask my girls to pay a hundred dollars more for the shantung dresses from Coren Moore and Aria, plus I looked at some photos on the website and the camera flash was doing weird things with the shantung in sunlight. So these, which are gorgeous (and make my sister look stunning -- though she's pretty much stunning in anything), will be our BM dresses. WHEEE!

So dress shopping with my mom and sister back home in California was really eye-opening. For one, my sister has fantastic taste, and vowed she "would not put be in anything stupid." That was when she wasn't chasing my 1-year-old niece/flower girl away from the tiara shelves. She is so freakin' cute. I gave her my phone to distract her but she kept eyeing them anyway. She's my sister's best chance for a girly girl.

Here are two Maggie Sottero dresses I found to be quite flattering: the Camden and one from the Sottero/Midgeley line.

The Camden

Sottero/Midgeley

I found the Maggies at Bay Area Bridal, this place in Cupertino not far from home, where I was less than impressed with the service and actually felt a little pressured. They offered a discount only good for that day, but it was only 10%, and the girl I worked with seemed to get frustrated with my waffling. And they didn't allow pictures, and they didn't tell me what the names of the dresses were -- they were "saved to my file on their computer," which I found obnoxious. I walked out without the Vernice, the dress I originally came to try on. This was for two reasons -- 1) it looked totally different from when I tried it on in NH. I mean really different. Like, "I don't want to buy this anymore" different.

I was intrigued by the Camden, but I hate bows and ribbons, and I couldn't get over the sash. So it was on to Rin's.

Rin's Bridal and Formal Gown shop sits unassumingly on El Camino Real in San Carlos. It's a tiny shop you might miss driving by. But the selection is great for a budget and the service is unbeatable.

Ten years ago, my sister walked in and bought her dress from Rin. Two days ago, we walked in and did the same thing.

They were so patient with me, even though I kept waffling and changing my mind as to what I liked. I no longer wanted the Vernice. It felt too plain, not special enough. I needed something else -- strapless, white, no frillies, flowers, or anything that looked like cupcakes. That's when they introduced me to Marisa.

Marisa doesn't really advertise. They're not well known, unless you read Bridal Bargains religiously like I do. Bridal Bargains gives them an A, and so do I.

I don't fall in love right away. That goes for men and dresses alike. I do a lot of research, figure out exactly what I'm looking for, and zero in. Girls, I'm in love.

Now, I'm not going to post a picture of me in the dress, because I don't want to ruin the surprise. But I will give you a little teaser of the back....

Here's the best part though -- this dress was wayyyyy out of my price range. But Rin totally understood how hard my dress hunt had been and how much I loved it. I almost cried when they said they would work within my budget.

I cannot explain how much I LOVE RIN'S BRIDAL. Go. Immediately. They get an A+ from me in terms of the dress-buying experience.

I am seriously so relieved this is over. Shopping was so hard and though playing dress-up was fun, I really really wanted to find THE DRESS. Mission accomplished. Now I feel like I can just sit back and wait to say "I do"....

The Great american Dress Hunt - Part Five: NH

2007-10-22T12:05:00.002-04:00

Tax-free or die, baby! Since the fifi had an away game at a prep school in northern Massachusetts, I decided to road trip it a little further to a small bridal salon in Portsmouth, NH called Madeleine's Daughter (www.madeleinesdaughter.com). My friend J was raving about the boutique and I decided to check it out. I worked with a fabulous salesperson, Natalie, who introduced me to Maggie Sottero. I really loved the look and feel of her Vernice dress:

And I was thinking, this is it ... this whole hunt might finally be over! I was going home to California in two weeks, so I was going to try it on for my mom and sister. The thought of being done with shopping might have actually been more appealing than the dress! That should have been my first clue...

The Great American Dress Hunt - Part Four: MS

2007-10-22T11:54:00.000-04:00

That's right - Mississippi. I was with my bridesmaid J and my friend Pam (from an earlier post) and we were on a shoot in Ridgeland, MS for a week. So, on the weekend, we hit up the David's Bridal across the street from our hotel. Our salesperson Ashley was very helpful, and there were no DB nightmare stories to be found here. We found these dresses for a steal ($500 or less) but I wasn't in love with them ... just in like.

Then we took the advice of a local friend and hit up a small store called The Bridal Path in Jackson, MS (www.bridalpathinc.com). There I worked with a wonderful salesperson, our friend's friend B, who was so nice and super sweet. She understood exactly what I was looking for and brought me some fabulous dresses in my price range (under $1000). There was absolutely no pressure here and we did find some really beautiful dresses. Even J found one she liked (but I won't post the photo, because she's not engaged -- yet -- and we don't want to scare the boyfriend...)!

This is such a pretty dress ... but I was afraid since I was so short that the hem would mess up the tiers. So it was back to the East Coast for me ...

Dressing the Flower Tomboy

2007-10-18T11:35:00.000-04:00

Mini-Me is in my wedding. Ok, not Verne Troyer, but a real-life version of me, pint-sized. My niece is pretty much me, but 23 years behind. She's super sharp, goofy, has a little bit of sassafrass in her, all the things I was when I was a little kid. Oh, and she also refuses to wear a dress, just like I did until I graduated from the sixth grade.

No amount of poking, prodding, bribing, or anything from my mom or dad could get me into a dress. They were repulsive to me. It got so difficult that my grandmother, who understood me better than anyone, bought me a tie when I was seven. God bless her.

If I had my druthers, my flower girl would wear this dress, with a sash to match the bridesmaids.

But I do not have my druthers. A six-year-old does. Besides, I know better. After all, she is me from 1983.

So, my sister (the ex-ballerina/ultimate girly-girl) has kind of thrown up her hands. At the last wedding where my niece was a flower girl, the bride let her wear what she wanted. Which one of these is not like the other?

I figure that the best option would be for her to wear simple white cotton or linen pants (like the ones in the picture, but it's likely she'll outgrow them), and a blue tank top, specially made for the wedding out of silk shantung, to match the bridesmaids. We talked about it -- she's cool with that.

Her brother, on the other hand, has no problem dressing up:

He is so freakin' cute, I just want to put him in my pocket! At the moment, though, his big thing is letting everyone know he "faaaahted." He's having trouble pronouncing his "r"s.

One of the ladies at David's Bridal was horrified to hear that I would put a flower girl in pants. "You should just force her to wear it," was her helpful suggestion. Are you kidding, lady? I would lose a finger.

I'm open to suggestions about Mini-Me!

The Great American Dress Hunt - Part Three: NYC

2007-10-16T21:48:00.000-04:00

As I've mentioned, my bridesmaid J lives in Brooklyn, so when work took me to New York for meetings this summer, we immediately decided we'd go dress shopping.

It's tough to find a bargain in New York City, but they're there. And J knows where to find them!!!

Our first stop was RK Bridal on West 39th. We walked in without an appointment went in without a hitch. Granted, it was a Tuesday. But when we signed in we walked right by the sign that said: LIMIT - 6 DRESSES PER BRIDE. In about 15 minutes we hit our limit and were shown the door.

The week before I arrived in the city, J had mailed me an issue of the Park Slope Reader, a local Brooklyn magazine. It had a short and sweet article on a little bridal shop in Chelsea trying to do some good.

Bridal Garden is located at 54 West 21st Street, Suite 907. They are a not-for-profit resale bridal shop that benefits children's charities. In short, they are AMAZING.

The space is not large -- maybe the size of a large living room -- and couture and designer gowns line the wall, priced at 50%-75% of their original cost.

This is also where I fell through a dressing room. Yes, that's not a typo. I said THROUGH.

Bridal Garden's dressing rooms are divided by curtains into three rooms. They put me in the middle one. I got my foot stuck in some crinoline and ... well... you can guess the rest.

The way J describes it, she saw a wave of white followed by a "WHOOPS!"

Yup, last time I checked, still a clutz.

But I did find this gown, at a steal for $395!!!!

I very nearly bought this one. It was a little tight up top, and had buttons all the way down, which I don't really like. And I was convinced the beading was a "LOOK AT THIS" sign pointing to my rear end.

For you NY brides out there, this is a great little shop with a great cause. I loved the shop itself, but didn't fall in love with any dresses. I hope a lot of you get a chance to have a look there!

Next stop on the Great American Dress Hunt ... Mississippi?

The Great American Dress Hunt - Part Two: MA

2007-10-16T21:32:00.000-04:00

I live in Boston, home of many, many bridal salons. At the recommendation of my friend K, who bought the first dress she tried on (and got the teary mommy moment), I went to Priscilla's in search of the same thing. They were having a Watters & Watters trunk sale and I had a good feeling about that.

Priscilla's is nestled in a small building on Boylston Street. Blink and you miss it.

I've come to learn that if a bridal shop is not easy to spot from the street, chances are it's wickedly expensive.

But, I did find this beautiful W & W gown for $1200. Not including alterations. We were not allowed to take pictures (another thing I learned about wickedly expensive bridal shops), so here's one from their website.

On J's recommendation, I went to the wilds of Newton, MA, in search of Vows.

Vows is a fantastic little shop in Newton, best known for selling designer gems for a fraction of their selling price. They only allow one shopper in the store at a time, by appointment only. That's where I first met Vera.

At Vows, I found an ivory, beaded two-piece silk Vera Wang wedding dress. Gorgeous. $1300. A bargain when you consider its original price was $3000.

I was speechless. I texted my bridesmaids with a terrible picture from my phone: "I have two words for you: Vera Wang omg omg"

My bridesmaid J texted me back right away. "I just talked to the girls in the dressing room [she is an actress] and told them it was a Vera Wang, and they were like, BUY IT NOW!!!!"

I came very, very close to buying that Vera. It was suuuuuper nice. I may still break my budget for it.

Next stop on the Great American Dress Hunt ... New York City!

The Great American Dress Hunt - Part One: CT

2007-10-16T21:17:00.000-04:00

Welcome to Part One of the The Great American Dress Hunt. I call it that because I have basically looked for my dress in every part of the country. Part One starts in Connecticut.

My fifi lives near Hartford, so there are lots of different options. When I was running an errand at Target, I decided to poke my head into David's Bridal in Manchester, CT. That's when I learned you are not allowed to just "poke your head in" at David's Bridal.

I've been to three (COUNT 'EM, THREE) David's Bridal stores. Why? Because I'm obsessive like that. I really did want to test the theory that they were horrible. And 33% of the time, they are.

I got thrown out of Manchester. Well, not exactly thrown out, but they didn't like my approach, and I didn't have an appointment. So I was shown the door and told to make an appointment.

I went to the David's Bridal store in Danbury, CT, with my best friend and BM, L. I have no pictures from that because I struck out. And I went to one in Jackson, MS. But that is for another post.

The place where I had the best experience in Connecticut was a place called Brides to Be. See, I refuse to pay a lot of money for a dress that I will wear for one day. I think I differ from most girls in my approach to the dress, in that I don't really like wearing them. Or, if I have to buy one, I refuse to shell out my entire credit limit for it. So Brides to Be in Glastonbury, CT, was really great -- both for the budget and for the customer service. They are a consignment shop, but they also sell new gowns that have come in from designers around the country. They also have completely affordable alterations! I found this Jim Hjelm gown on the "New" rack for $950!!!

The best part is that the dress fit so well that all I would need was a hem and bustle -- total cost for alterations: $160!!! It would probably need dry cleaning too, it being a well-used sample, so that would probably be another hundred bucks.

My budget is $1000 for alterations and dress total. I realize that's not a lot, and I realize that the average dress costs between $1500-2000. But I also believe that you don't have to pay big bucks for a stunning dress.

I highly recommend Brides to Be, if only for the great service and affordability. Next up, Massachusetts!

I'm Supposed to Dress You???

2007-10-16T11:52:00.001-04:00

I'm having an unbelievable time trying to decide on a bridesmaid's dress for my five lovely girls. I mean, I have no concept of what I want, really. All I know is that I want it to be a dress that they would wear again. I've seen too many unfortunate choices made by brides, and I think to myself, how are normally sane people making these choices????

Like my friend B, featured earlier in her own wedding. She had to wear what could only be gently called the Halloween atrocity. Note that she has moved the sash from her waist to her head.

Now, B tells me that the friend who made her wear this is actually of sound mind and body. Hard to believe when the dress is comprised of orange and brown taffeta.

Because we're having a destination wedding of sorts, in California and by the water, I can be sure of two things: 1) airline tickets are going to cost a boatload, and 2) hotels are ridiculously priced. So in order to ease the burden on my wedding party, I need to find them a great dress at a decent price.

The girls are spread out all over the map: Seattle, Brooklyn, upstate New York, Savannah GA, and Vermont. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to get everyone together! But these are the best girls ever so I know it won't be too tough.

I also have five very different bodies that I am working with, so I decided to simply pick a color, length, and material and let these girls pick the ones they want.

My first stop was Aria Bridesmaid in Boston. Though I was less pleased with the customer service, I really liked their stuff. Unfortunately, their 15% discount for 5 or more dresses only applies if you order 5 of the same dress. Here are my favorites:

These dresses are great in terms of flexibility, and in silk shantung, kind of a steal at $195 each.

Then I went to Flair Bridesmaid, which is just down the street from Aria, and worked with Rachel, who was great. She introduced me to Coren Moore, who had a similar look to Aria. Beautiful, but a little on the pricey side at $275 each. $25 extra for the sash.

The girls liked these ones the best. My friend K had them at her wedding, and they looked beautiful. But I couldn't really in good conscience ask them to pay $300 for the dresses. So then I found Kimera.

C recommended Kimera Designs for custom-made dresses. C and R (from the Amherst wedding featured earlier) both had their dresses made there, and they were GORGEOUS. These dresses are priced similarly to Aria, ranging from $178-$190 per dress...

Kimera has a storefront in Brooklyn, NY, and sometime around Thanksgiving, my bridesmaid J and I will check it out if we haven't come up with anything. J lives right around the corner from the store and I definitely want to see some of these dresses up close and personal.

Right now, the surprise frontrunner is J. Crew! I love the bold color of this dress, and the floaty fabric of chiffon. I took a straw poll, and so far, it's the clear favorite!

At $165 a dress, it's a steal, and the return policy ROCKS. So we're leaning towards that for now. My sister and I are flying home to CA this weekend for my cousin G's wedding, so we ordered the Sophia with the straps for a try-on. We are also going to hit up a bridal shop that sells Coren Moore, so we can see how that fits her.

Also to come... dressing myself and dressing the flower girl. I will call that post Dressing the Tomboys Who Hate Dresses.

Proof That I May Be Missing Some Marbles

2007-10-11T20:21:00.000-04:00

At least that's what my mom thought when I told her I was planning to donate 8 inches of my hair to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths campaign, 10 months before my wedding.

It's a terrific cause, and you can read more about it at www.beautifullengths.com. The minimum is 8-inches, and I have so much hair I donated two ponytails. Locks of Love is a similar organization, but the minimum there is 10-inches, and I didn't think I had enough. Plus if I cut my hair any shorter I'd look like Don King.

Here's a picture of me BEFORE (applying a temporary tattoo to my friend Pam and attempting to look lascivious):

My hair is curly here but you get how long it is. Here it is AFTER:

A little hair trauma never hurt anybody. It did look like a muffin top at first but it calmed down. I hope it grows fast - it is SHORT!

A Small Video to Get You Through the Day

2007-09-27T14:29:00.000-04:00

This ad says everything I want to about wedding planning and THEN SOME! Here, my friends, is a vivid example of what it can do to you:

FSIL gets hitched!

2007-09-27T11:29:00.000-04:00

Here's the fourth wedding that we went to this summer -- the wedding of my future sister-in-law, L. L married E over Labor Day weekend, on an afternoon with picture perfect weather. This wedding was so fun for so many reasons -- and so educational, because it gave me a preview of what our wedding might be like next year!

L had a couple of rules for the DJ regarding her family ... see, they're a fun-loving, raucous bunch (6 boys and she's the youngest and only girl), but one of the most important rules was that my future father-in-law was not to touch the microphone, and that the DJ was not to play his signature karaoke song, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." See, when J gets ahold of the mic and that song starts playing, he won't let anyone sing with him -- not even his grandchildren -- they got the actual Heisman once when they tried to join him onstage. Still, I think the DJ caved, and J got his song ... and a conga line. I wish I had pictures of it!

L was gorgeous. There was not a dry eye in the house when she came down the aisle. She held it together so well! Here's a picture of the happy couple outside the church:

Here's one of L and E with all the brothers:

For our wedding, we'll have to publish a "How To Tell The Brothers Apart" guide.

The venue for the reception, the Fruitlands Museum, is absolutely stunning. The place sits on a hill with a spectacular view of the Berkshires. One of the cool things about it was that they provided the centerpieces as part of their site fee! So L saved a fortune on flowers.

This is one of my favorite shots of the night -- a private moment in the reception for L & E.

And what is a wedding without a dance-off between my fifi and his brother/best man?

It was one of my most favorite weddings ever. The food was delicious, everything was personalized, right down to the favors. Instead of a gift for each guest, L & E decided to make a donation to the struggling elementary school where L used to teach. That donation would be used specifically for a field trip for this school year.

Congratulations to my fantastic FSIL and her new husband. I can only hope our wedding is as fun and beautiful as theirs!

Favorite Vendor Information for this wedding:

Reception Site: Fruitlands Museum, Harvard, MA (fee includes site rental, flowers, tent, tables, chairs, catering by Mark Martin)
L's dress (under $800!!!!): Marry & Tux, Nashua, NH
Groomsmen's Tuxes: Mr. Tux (nationwide)

I Just Threw Up a Little Bit

2007-09-24T10:40:00.000-04:00

This morning, an atrocity arrived in my inbox:

Just when you think you had a handle on all the girly stuff that weddings demand of jock girls, they serve up this mess.

At long last, K & C

2007-09-20T19:33:00.000-04:00

My apologies for the long absence! I had to bolt out of town for two weeks on business. But I'm back, and ready to share with you the pictures from K & C's wedding in Quechee, VT!

K is another one of my lacrosse teammates. She and her fiance met at college in New Hampshire, so it was only natural to bring everyone back to campus for their nuptials.

I'm a little jealous of K because she bought the first dress she tried on, no hesitation. She didn't have to go through the rigamarole of hitting every dress shop in America, as I have attempted to do in my dress hunt. And she looked stunning in it!

Cool bustle, huh? And to think, before I got engaged, I didn't even know what the hell a bustle was. I thought it just went with the phrase, "Hustle and bustle."

K had these terrific OOT L.L. Bean tote bags for every couple, filled with beer from St. Louis (where C is from), chips from Maryland (where K is from), and my personal favorite item: Advil.

And the reception at the Quechee Inn went well into the night, despite a huge thunderstorm cutting the power right as the evening was getting started. But K & C's quick-thinking guests went into action, and produced an alternative music machine in the tent:

Yes, folks, that's right, you are looking at a 2006 Mini Cooper.

My favorite part? The Ben & Jerry's bar!

My hat goes off to K & C, whose celebration went undampened (no pun intended) by Mother Nature. Quechee was GORGEOUS, and it was a beautiful place to spend a couple days hiking (which, unfortunately, we didn't get to do thanks to preseason football practices!). But I highly recommend it if you have a couple of days to kill in Vermont.

Phew! 4 weddings down, 1 more to go -- my beautiful cousin is getting married in October! I'm busy preparing for my role as the videographer for this amazing event...

Is This The Army?

2007-08-23T15:39:00.000-04:00

Perusing the usual wedding websites (theknot.com, weddingchannel.com, weddingbee.com) I have realized that there is a whole new set of acronyms that come with weddings. For example, when I came upon a message in theknot.com message board that says, "What to do about STDs?" I thought that was some pretty sensitive material to be posting on a public website.

So, jock girls, here is a mini dictionary of acronyms. You'll need it.

STDs = save-the-dates
FMIL / FFIL = future mother-in-law, future father-in-law
DIY = do it yourself
OOT = out of town
MS = Martha Stewart
FI = fiance
BM = bridesmaid
GM = groomsman
MOH / BM = maid of honor, best man
FG = flower girl
E-pics = engagement photos
BP = bachelor party

Phew. Somebody get me some MGD ... it's BYOB ASAP over here. Over and out.

Flowers, Table Settings, and Other Girly Details

2007-08-23T09:51:00.000-04:00

If you have never cared about these things before, and you're getting married, you will find that people will try to place a magnified importance on details in order to get you to spend money. This is, after all, a billion-dollar industry. For example, when my jock girl friend J got married a couple years ago, she said that she never thought that choosing silverware rentals would be a big deal, but her wedding coordinator kept ramping up the importance of how the table looked, so she chose the $0.45 per utensil setting over the $0.25 per utensil, plainer-looking silverware. Well, of course her wedding was gorgeous all the same, but those twenty cents, multiplied by 5 (salad fork, dinner fork, knife, spoon, dessert spoon), multiplied by 200+ guests, made for a whopping difference in price. In the end, she said to me, "Who the $#@ remembers the silverware????"

It's the little details like that that make brides' heads spin and budgets explode. Jock girls, it doesn't have to be that hard. My advice would be, pick the colors you like, and go from there. You are going to notice the fancy silverware, but your guests will probably not. And pick florists and coordinators you trust, not people who will try to sell you up the river for the chivari chairs instead of the standard wood garden chairs.

Last June we went looking for a florist, even though I have never understood flowers. We set a budget, a low one because we identified this area as a place where we could cut costs, and called around to three different florists in Monterey. Two of these places told me they wouldn't take less than $4000 (To which I responded, "$4000?!?!?!??! You must be out of your $#@ing mind!!!"), and one of those places told me it would be impossible to work with such a low flower budget. My fourth call was to a place right around the corner from our hotel, and they looked at my budget and said, "Absolutely, we can work with this." Magic words.

While my fifi's eyes glazed over at the meeting, I sat down with the florist and said, ok, I don't know anything about flowers, but I like really bright colors. Orange. Red. Green. Blue. He (yes, he) asked me about the color of my bridesmaids' dresses, which I hadn't really picked out yet, but I said they would probably be green or blue. He asked if there were colors I hated, and I said I didn't want any pinks, purples, or any "girly" colors. Then he disappeared into the back room and came out with this:

Not bad for a first try! I do like this vase better:

Girls, I don't know my astromerias from my dahlias, but I do know my oranges from my reds. And you, too, can have a stress-free florist meeting.

If you want to know the names of flowers, here are some common wedding ones:

Hydrangea - usually a summer flower, comes in green, blue, lavender ... can be on the expensive side

Calla Lilly - these are the priciest, but really popular right now. Just a note, though -- my friend says these are also popular for funerals. So get the colored ones - they come in orange and yellow too, and some purples and pinks if you must.

Peony - these are kind of cool looking, and they also come in white ...

If you are really ambitious, you can figure out which flowers have which names before you go into the florist's so you know what's what, you can go to this link here and study up on more flower types and pictures.

Don't fear the flower, girls -- but don't let it break your bank, either!

Another Jock Girl Gets Hitched

2007-08-20T19:12:00.000-04:00

My friend B was a kickass field hockey player at a small all-women's college in the Pioneer Valley. She's as much a jock girl as anybody, but she has a knack for classy style, and it showed in every detail of this amazing wedding last weekend at the Darrow School in the Berkshires.

B likes to take the road less-traveled. She and her fiance, P, sneaked away in the middle of February and eloped in front of two witnesses at his grandmother's church in upstate New York. So, it made sense that her ceremony was actually a blessing of the marriage, and it also made sense that she had a kickass martini bar set up even before the ceremony started.

She had six or seven varieties of martinis, pre-mixed, such as Blueberry Vodka Lemonade, Raspberry Ginger Ale Martini, Cosmopolitans, and a special Ecuadorian martini in a nod to P's roots.

So of course I had to partake. This is the hair of the dog that bit me. I woke up the next morning feeling as if an elephant has slept on my face.

My honey went to town on the crab cake hors d'oeurves. In addition to crab cakes, they had incredible vegetarian samosas with teriyaki sesame sauce, and potato and onion stuffed filo dough. That's in addition to the beautiful spread on this table.

B looked stunning. She proves that you don't have to spend a fortune on your gown -- she found hers online for a steal at Nordstrom!

The little chapel where they were married was a quaint red barn, about a hundred years old, and the bluegrass band she hired was great background music for our Ecuadorian/BBQ dinner.

Afterwards, we had this delicious cake baked by a friend of hers -- gorgeous!

And who could forget her father's uncle's nephew's son, who we affectionately nicknamed Yo-Yo Boy? Quickest Yo-Yo dancer I have ever seen. B said she only realized he was there when the yo-yo zoomed by her face on the dance floor. One of the guests mistook him for hired entertainment.

Overall, B & P's wedding was casual yet elegant, and that fit their personalities beautifully. We had a blast on the dance floor despite the fact that the DJ forgot to play P's specially made CD's. The party went well past midnight, and like I said, I felt the effects of the martini bar pretty profoundly the next morning. Maybe these weddings week after week are finally catching up to me. This weekend, another one of my lax teammates is marrying her college sweetheart up in Vermont. Should be fun!

Free Research, Part 2

2007-08-16T09:46:00.000-04:00

J & C's wedding
Peconic, NY

The fifi and I drove through Connecticut and then hopped on the Cross Sound Ferry to get to this beautiful, stunning vineyard where our friends J & C were getting married. The Raphael Vineyard in Peconic, NY is an amazing place to have a wedding. The food was unbelieveable -- an appetizer bar for the cocktail hour that included skirt steak, duck breast, caesar salad, a pasta station with chicken and sun-dried tomatoes (I am drooling as I write this) with signature strawberry bellinis (mmm, I definitely had me some bellinis). Dinner was a choice of atlantic swordfish, filet mignon, or pork tenderloin, and there was a FULL DESSERT BAR after all that!! They had to roll me out of the dining room and onto the dance floor.

J made a gorgeous, gorgeous bride:

And they made an exquisite pair on the whole:

The fifi took full advantage of the dance floor ... you can see him revving it up in the background in this photo - he's the guy in the tie who's really concentrating on his moves:

J & C really paid careful attention to every detail. I offered my DIY skills and helped them make their table numbers -- you can see an example of the work I did with Adobe Photoshop right here:

Maybe my favorite little detail (besides their table numbers, of course) was their favors -- a poker chip with their monogram and wedding date and ... scratch tickets! What a great idea! The FI and I won five bucks, and our friend Meg walked off with $25! :)

Of course, being the crazy jock girls that we are, we had to flex for the camera!

On the whole, it was a beautiful wedding. We were so tired and so full that we didn't make it to the after-party back at the hotel. :( J & C had a perfect day weather-wise, and I can only hope for the same next year!

All photos are from their photographer's website (Photography by Verdi is Rich and Mindi, a husband and wife photography team): www.fotoverdi.com Check it out!

Next up, B & P's wedding in New Lebanon, NY!

Wedding Season = Free Research

2007-08-13T12:05:00.000-04:00

My fifi and I are scheduled to attend 5 weddings this summer. At the time of this post, it will be two down, three to go.

The first was the wedding of my good friend C to her longtime girlfriend, R. It took place at our alma mater, Amherst College, and the photographer, Margaret Singer, was amazing. Here are examples of her work:

This last one is one I like to call, "Seconds Before I Bit It On the Church Steps."

Yes, that's me and my fiance, running across the quad because we thought we were late, and I misjudged a step and ended up nearly knocking my teeth out on the stone staircase.

And that's minutes before I was inside the church and I got my heel stuck in a floor grate for several stressful minutes.

C and R's wedding was unbelievable. We got a lot of inspiration from them. These women are strong, independent, environmentally-minded, and amazing in every sense of the word. Their wedding was how we wanted ours -- green. They had used recycled paper for the programs, sent smaller invitations ( = less wasted paper), had potted plant centerpieces from Home Depot that could be replanted, and employed catering that used organic ingredients and locally-produced goods. They even made a contribution to The Carbon Fund to offset the emissions of their wedding. The DJ was awesome, we danced barefoot in the Alumni House until 2 in the morning, and we were having such a good time that we didn't even know it was pouring down rain outside!

These photos are from Margaret Singer's blog and slideshow -- check her out at www.margaretsinger.com!

Wedding Dress Shopping for Jock Girls 101

2007-08-08T14:33:00.000-04:00

If you're anything like me, chances are good that you have:

a) not bought a dress without a gun to your head
b) more sports jerseys than actual work clothes
c) trouble getting into anything other than sweatpants
d) never shown any interest in anything girly, unless it was because your father bribed you with ice cream to make your mother feel better about having a tomboy for a daughter.

I have been a tomboy my whole life. It's who I am. Never liked pink, never liked dolls, played sports, tackle football with the boys, scraped knees and sweats to school everyday. So, imagine what it was like going shopping for a wedding dress yesterday with my best friend and bridesmaid Liz. I had no idea how hard it was going to be. Here are a few tips for you readers who are jock girls like me, so you don't have to suffer the pitfalls I did yesterday.

1. Be cautious about revealing your budget to the bridal shop. We went to a shop in Poughkeepsie which I thought might be the best place to get a dress that wouldn't break the bank. I mean, the hot neon lettering of the store's sign and the dress that looked like a flamingo in the shop window were promising signs that this might be a low-end place. But then when the lady asked me what I wanted to spend, I stupidly told her (I was chastised later by my girly sister for doing this). This declaration got me a stern look, and the saleslady told me, flat out, "I guess we won't be doing business today, now will we?" Then they took our bottled waters away and showed us the door.

2. Lift the front of the dress UP when you walk in it. I almost lost my front teeth and kneecaps when I tried to get up on the pedestal, stepped on the front of the dress, and started to pitch forward at an alarming rate.

3. When the saleslady asks what you're looking for, don't tell her to bring you "anything that might resemble a sports uniform."

Needless to say I didn't find exactly what I was looking for this time around. I had no idea how hard this was! Scarlett O'Hara had nothing on the corset they strapped me into at the second shop. I think Liz actually put her foot on my back to tighten the laces. Holy breathing problems. I said NO ABSOLUTELY NOT to the frilly Mary Had a Little Lamb petticoat. Good thing I only want to buy this dress ONCE.

Location Possibility #2: Palo Alto, CA

2007-08-07T14:46:00.001-04:00

The Palo Alto I grew up in was such a friendly, normal town. Then, when I moved to the East Coast for college, the dot-com boom hit and the Palo Alto I knew got buried in the rubble. After the dust had cleared, housing costs rose 200%, traffic clogged the roads, a Tiffany's and Bloomingdale's appeared in the mall, and its residents became self-absorbed and near-hostile.

My sister got married in Palo Alto ten years ago. Stanford Memorial Church, where we grew up going to Mass, was the most expensive thing in her wedding budget besides photography -- the fee for the church was $1000. Imagine my surprise when I called Stanford expecting to be welcomed with open arms ... to the tune of $2500! And that's WITHOUT THE ORGANIST OR CANTOR FEES!!! #$@%$

But the church itself is stunning:

The Palo Alto I knew was dead and gone. I wanted to cry. And the venue where I'd dreamed of getting married -- the Fogarty Winery in Portola Valley -- let's just say "out of my price range" doesn't even describe it. But it is also too stunning for words.

The hunt continued...

Location Possibility #1: Hudson Valley

2007-08-07T10:19:00.000-04:00

Millbrook, New York is one of the most beautiful places in the state. I lived there for five years while I taught English and coached basketball and lacrosse at the local prep school, and it was a major, major part of my life. Two of my bridesmaids are from there, I'm still well-connected to the people there, and it's one of the places in this world where I feel very much at home.

This is a picture of the school where I taught:

The ceremony would be in the school chapel:

And my best friend and bridesmaid, Liz, offered her backyard as the reception spot:

We were so fired up about this at first. We thought we were going to save a whole bunch of money, getting married in Millbrook. Some of the numbers I researched were really encouraging: $40/per person for the catering was half of anything we would pay in California, the church was nearly free, one of my students' parents ran a liquor store in town and offered the bar at the best bargain I had ever, ever seen, and my guitar teacher offered his band at a paltry sum of $1500. Plus, the lowered prices meant that we could have our dream guest list, instead of wringing our hands over who we cut.

But there are so many costs for an outdoor wedding. Tent rental. Table rental. Chair rental. Linen rental. Silverware rental. Electricity. It all adds up. And it added up to more than a California wedding, believe it or not.

So we were back to square one.

As an aside, no one pitched a bigger fit about this than my family. They whined about plane tickets, cost of hotels, the distance from airports to Millbrook, you name it. It was a really dark time for us, because I really didn't know what to do and I didn't want a $50,000 wedding. Then we found Monterey, and that's where we began to tunnel out.

Bi-Coastal, No Budget, Big Problems

2007-08-06T16:13:00.000-04:00

My fiance is from Massachusetts. I'm from California. The first problem we tackled as an engaged couple was where to have it.

Let me put things in perspective. My family is Filipino, and by that I mean certifiable, so a Nebraska-right-in-the-middle-for-everyone wedding was out of the question.

There were a couple of options batted around:

1) Elope. Sounds fun and adventurous. Our friends Liz and Adrian did it, and used the money they saved to buy a house that I now salivate over.

2) Destination. Take a bunch of people, say, family only, out to the Caribbean and say "I do" with the ocean crashing behind us.

3) Traditional wedding in the bride's hometown.

4) Two hometowns, two weddings, two receptions.

#1 sounded really nice, especially with the whole saving-for-the-house-and-being-a-grownup thing. But we wanted to have a huge party with all of our friends there, and we wanted our families to come together in one place. That led us to #2, which looked great, until we realized that if you count husbands, wives, children, grandparents, etc, "family only" means about 50 people. So Jamaica was out.

#3 was heinously expensive, thanks to the 90's dot-com boom in Palo Alto. The church where my family goes, Stanford Memorial Church, is priced at $2500. That is a down payment on a new car, hence, utterly ridiculous.

#4 didn't seem to fit us. And sometimes that happens. So we decided to choose between the two. The months-long debate began: East Coast vs. West Coast.

We went back and forth with our families with this one. There were tears, budget wars, logging on to Expedia for tickets to Vegas, but in the end, we settled on the best compromise since The Louisiana Purchase.

Details to follow!

Here's to You, Jock Girl

2007-08-06T16:05:00.000-04:00

Maybe you prefer the moniker, "tomboy." Maybe you like "jock girl" better. Whatever the case, if you're reading this, you're probably a lot like me -- no frills, no dresses unless held at gunpoint, nothing pink, and get that doll the hell away from me. But one thing's for sure: sometimes jock girls have to do girly things. In this jock girl's case, I'm doing the biggest girly thing of all.

I'm getting married.

Yes, this jock girl has finally met her match, in the form of Mr. Sports Authority himself. One thing's for sure, he definitely understands me. And when he dropped down to one knee in front of me while we were on vacation in Memphis, Tennessee of all places, even though I knew that planning a wedding would expose me to some of the girliest things imaginable, I SAID YES.

So I started this blog for you jock girls and tomboys out there, because there's a lot they don't tell you about weddings. Let my experience be your guide. Hold on to your baseball caps (and beers), girls.